Got Wood?

For many years now, there has been a controversy surround the obtaining of wood. What exactly is it, what does it achieve, and most often of all, can women get this wood? As an age-old tradition, having wood is generally seen as a Good Thing. Unless it is a Bad Thing. The wood can then either be kept, and used, or sold for various purposes. It is known to fetch a high price in many countries, especially in the production of tables.

Having Wood in Canada
People in Canadia who have wood are known as Lumberjacks. There is a lot of controversy over how the name arose, but as far as we understand the definition is assumed to have hardened up over time. Lumberjacks are renowned across the world for the skills they possess, especially in Canadia where it is considered a national sport, as well as a pastime, job and main source of income for many Canadianians.

'Official' Sources reported in 2009 that:
 * "Canadia's Wood Supply is plentiful and we aren't planning to soften our approach any time soon. IN fact, I would go as far as to say that we are the only country with the stamina to exploit our wood. We won't submit to America's 'Back Door' approach to wood sales, or the Russians' overpowering stance on the issue."

Canadia is very protective of its wood, which under the circumstances has been considered by many to be a Good Thing. It is currently under threat due to the constant migratory activity of Mongeese, amongst other animals. Various precautions have been taken, but Lumberjacks across Canadia are preparing for the worst, barricading themselves inside their wooden huts, grasping wooden rifles and peering fruitlessly at wooden windows.

Becoming Wood
In rural areas of Swindon [Pronounced: 'Snarf'], it is considered customary for young men, having been issued with spears and bags, of the tribes to hunt, find, catch, and return home with their sack bulging full of wood. Having got wood, they are then issued with a driving license and a bottle of Vodka and given directions to Nikesh's for their final test.

Few return from this ordeal, but those who do usually come back with an inane smile and a mouth full of shaving foam.

Long Life Wood
Been nursing me wood for a few days now. Point is when you have wood at my age you want to hang onto it rather. Bit of a forgotten friend donchanow.